Free Online Read of John Gottman Book Why Marriages Succeed or Fail

• Habitation
• My Books

Open Preview

Come across a Trouble?

We'd dear your help. Let us know what's incorrect with this preview of Why Marriages Succeed or Neglect by John M. Gottman.

Thanks for telling us well-nigh the problem.

Friend Reviews

To run across what your friends idea of this book, please sign upwardly.

Reader Q&A

Exist the first to ask a question about Why Marriages Succeed or Fail

Customs Reviews

 · 2,149 ratings  · 231 reviews

Start your review of Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last

May 14, 2010 Kelsey rated it really liked it

The synopsis of this volume doesn't cover the portion I felt was most of import. The author defines certain warning signs of behavior that guarantees a failed spousal relationship. He calls them The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse. They are Criticism, Antipathy, Defensiveness and Stonewalling. I admit I've employed all four. There are examples and questionnaires to help the in-denial reader. In changing bad behavior it suggests a preventable unhappy ending. I retrieve it helped me at least understand myself ameliorate a The synopsis of this book doesn't encompass the portion I felt was most important. The author defines sure alert signs of behavior that guarantees a failed marriage. He calls them The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse. They are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling. I admit I've employed all iv. At that place are examples and questionnaires to help the in-denial reader. In changing bad beliefs it suggests a preventable unhappy ending. I think it helped me at least understand myself better and motivated improvement. ...more

January 06, 2021 Rick Sam rated it actually liked it

How did I make it at this Book?

I came to read this volume, after reading works from attachment theory.

Attachment in Psychotherapy past David J. Wallin. It was the all-time read of 2020. Delight Check out, Zipper Theory

My friend was engaging on improving communication skills. Nosotros both wanted to improve our skills in relationship.

Instead of pridefully saying, I know enough nearly relationship or I am adept in it. We both, with humility and courage admitted, take areas to define, grow, improve.

I reache

How did I get in at this Book?

I came to read this book, after reading works from attachment theory.

Zipper in Psychotherapy past David J. Wallin. It was the all-time read of 2020. Please Check out, Attachment Theory

My friend was engaging on improving communication skills. Nosotros both wanted to improve our skills in relationship.

Instead of pridefully proverb, I know enough well-nigh human relationship or I am good in information technology. We both, with humility and backbone admitted, have areas to define, grow, improve.

I reached out to a Professor. He teaches Clinical Psychology, and approves of this work.

Practice, Do, Practice this.

Gottman says, practice, every bit this becomes 2nd-nature.

Perhaps, this piece of work tin be extended to all relationships?

Why do I need to read this book?

Maybe if yous are looking to grow in relationships, want to recognize areas of your self, this might be practiced read.

How much time would this take? About half-dozen-7 hours

What does this volume offer me?

-Physical ways to be aware, improve, manage relationships
-This one specifically on wedlock.
-This could be extended to other relationships

Okay, So, What is inside this book?

Outline:

1) What makes Wedlock Work,
2) Marriage Mode
3) Four Horseman of Apocalypse
iv) Your Private thoughts become Cast in Stone
5) Two Union: His and Her
half dozen) Your Marriage: Diagnosis
7) Four Keys to Amend Your Marriage
8) Strengthen the Foundation

What are the Fundamental Ideas of this Book?

For this, I give you question and answers from the book

1) What makes marriage work?

Marriage is extreme complex relationship.

He says,

-ability to resolve disharmonize (There styles of healthy means to practise it)
-5:1 positive to negative in the human relationship

He says, there is no single examination, that can predict outcome.

He does give a rough number of 90% based on positive to negativity in the relationship.

2) Marriage Style: The Good, Bad and Volatile

Gottman gives examples of couples with unlike styles. I liked his case of volatile couple.

He says, exploding would come under volatile style. It'south not the terminate of the earth. I inverse my mind on it. I was of persuasion that less conflict, it'south more likely to be amend, but I was incorrect.

Validating, Volatile, Avoidant Relationship human relationship styles.

Gottman suggests to negotiate a style of stable relationship. He says, avoidant are more likely to be in troubled and create loneliness.

iii) Four Horseman of Apocalypse:

a) Contempt: Looking down on someone, or seeing them as below you lot. Erosion of Love, Insults arise out of this.

Remedy: Praise and Adoration for Positive Qualities

b) Defensiveness: This happens, when we are criticized or when someone starts blaming us.

Remedy: At-home down, be non-defensive, listen when barrage of emotional explosion occurs. Embrace the Anger. Exercise not abscond unless concrete fight occurs.

c) Criticism:

This is Personal Set on. Sometimes, we might non be aware of it.
Statements like,
"You are Always late",
"Yous NEVER care almost me.",
Last but the best one,
"You lot idiot, why don't you remember to take the garbage out?"

Really? Never which ways, 100% of the fourth dimension? Probably not. It'southward psychological abuse.

Remedy: Gottman suggests to make it into complaint. Instead of, "Yous NEVER.", "Yous are …" make it into, Complaint into specific behavior, first with, "I" statements.

A Complaint is specific and limited to one state of affairs.

d) Withdrawal (Stone-walling): We withdraw if there's too much negativity or have a rock-wall in our communication. Sometimes, when a person does that, the other person comes with more force wanting attending, and it might come off equally rejection of the other person. Men are more likely to exist stone-wallers.

Remedy: Instead of having poker face. Use back-channel, apply words like, "uhm..", "yes", "oh I see." Be attuned to facial-expression of the other person and mirror the other person's facial expression.

Why back-channel helps? It helps the other person to know that you oasis't tuned out of the conversation.

4) Your private thoughts get cast in stone:

Gottman specifically gives example of i scenario, same interpreted in self-soothing and distress maintaining ways. The one with self-soothing is more likely to take positive qualities, but the ane with distress maintaining more probable to create more anger and more upset.

Innocent Victim: If we are hit by 3rd horseman, defensiveness, nosotros are more probable to accept innocent victim role. The major emotion nosotros feel would be fright.

Righteous Indignation: Nosotros take hostility and contempt for the other person. When we are hit hard by contempt. We are hit difficult past hurt, and anger. Stonewallers might more than probable to take righteous indignation role.

5) Two Marriage: His and Her

This Chapter goes into bones differences between Men and Women. This is an outline, not specific to everyone.

half dozen) Your Marriage: Diagnosis:
I suggest y'all to refer the book for questionnaires.

seven) 4 Keys to Meliorate Your Marriage:

1) Calm Down
ane.a)Rewrite inner script
i.b)Speak Non Defensively
ii) Praise and Admiration
3) Validation
4) Over learning

8) Strengthen the Foundation:

Negotiating Wedlock Manner:
-How to Argue
-How to Express and Handle Emotions
-How to Feel Loved and Show Love: What does truly involved means?
-Strongly valuing, "Nosotros-ness."

When communication becomes hard, reason is because more negativity in the relationship.

What are some suggestions, that I could exercise?

a) Of import for men to take tasks at dwelling house, and outside.
b) Have suggestion Box.
c) Create Schedules or Times to talk.
d) Share Celebrity — create a family story, tell your story.
east) Create Beloved, Respect and Shared Sense of Values.

What this volume does non offer?
Theoretical foundation for the body of work, knowledge base, accurate definition, schools of thought in this area, religious vs secular work on this.

Where do I disagree with Gottman?

The area, where I disagree with the author, "Leaving the relationship."

If a person adheres to Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism or Christianity. Their view on deserting, absconding, leaving the relationship comes specifically with their conventionalities system. Gottman does not consider that and brings that to the table. People from religious tradition have an chemical element of supernatural assumption in their body of knowledge, ergo, not sure how that can play out.

Excerpts that you might like:

And fighting—when it arrogance grievances and complaints—can be one of the healthiest things a couple can practise for their relationship (indeed, how you fight is i of the almost telling ways to diagnose the wellness of your marriage).

After a couple fight, Gottman says, What I detected hidden beneath their seemingly trivial skirmishes was a rich and painful history of unresolved problems concerning his need for autonomy and her need to feel valued by him.

The effect is how well you handle the inevitable differences that arise whenever 2 people course a partnership.

Do I demand to get rid of all negativity in the relationship?

Some negativity is required in relationships. Beware of negative internal script that plays in your inner-world. I suggest reading zipper theory and my review of it.

What is one thought that I demand to recollect?

"The Ability to resolve conflicts." play a crucial factor in all relationships.

Overall, I recommend this volume to anybody, who wants to grow in relationship, advice skills.

Deus Vult,
Gottfried

...more

May 01, 2014 Erika RS rated information technology it was ok

I would rate this book higher if it weren't for my knowledge that Gottman'south afterward books are more often than not better than this one.

This book has a lot of solid advice about relationships, much of which applies to relationships in full general, and not just marital relationships. The advice is concrete, actionable, and easy to understand. There's just enough repetition to reinforce the ideas without making the book ho-hum.

Then why the depression rating? The tone is very oriented toward those who feel that they are in

I would rate this book higher if it weren't for my knowledge that Gottman's later books are more often than not improve than this one.

This book has a lot of solid advice near relationships, much of which applies to relationships in general, and not merely marital relationships. The advice is concrete, actionable, and easy to empathize. In that location'due south just enough repetition to reinforce the ideas without making the book tedious.

And then why the low rating? The tone is very oriented toward those who experience that they are in a failing spousal relationship, which ways Gottman fails to convey how important these communication techniques are for all couples. In full general, the right time to improve your communication skills is before things start falling apart.

...more

An absolutely fascinating read that blew me away with some of the observations and results of the author's findings. An absolutely fascinating read that blew me away with some of the observations and results of the author's findings. ...more

Dec 16, 2015 Margot rated it it was amazing

John Gottman, named i of the Superlative 10 Nearly Influential Therapists of the last quarter-century, is a professor emeritus and experimental psychologist at the Academy of Washington who spent 40 years researching relationships and has been the recipient of numerous awards on his piece of work.

Whether y'all're married or not, this book explains Gottman'south scientific inquiry methods and and so delves right into his findings on successful and unsuccessful relationships and how to brand yours piece of work. What I found mo

John Gottman, named one of the Elevation 10 Most Influential Therapists of the last quarter-century, is a professor emeritus and experimental psychologist at the Academy of Washington who spent forty years researching relationships and has been the recipient of numerous awards on his work.

Whether you're married or not, this book explains Gottman's scientific research methods so delves right into his findings on successful and unsuccessful relationships and how to make yours piece of work. What I institute most useful were the very clear descriptions of some of the destructive communication methods I've heard mentioned in some other Gottman publications. He explains the difference between complaining and criticizing. And defines and gives clear examples of defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. Following chapters then give advice on how to remedy these communication habits in one's ain interactions, and how to improve advice in general. This book likewise talks about dissimilar relationship communication styles and how they work, and includes quick quizzes throughout to help the reader clarify their own standing and tendencies on these various topics.

...more

Inspiring and makes me want to exist a ameliorate partner. Biggest takeaways: exist more than validating, compassionate, and understanding. More affectionate. Volatility is okay as long as it's balanced by lots of laughter and positive emotions.

A skillful wedlock requires a lot of cocky-discipline and property your tongue.

Jul 27, 2016 Collette rated it it was amazing

The studies in this book were references in Malcolm Gladwell'south book Blink. It described a little chip about how Gottman and his team would observe couples and using a formula would track every eye twitch, lip curl, tone of voice change and be able to predict with 94% accuracy if the marriage would succeed or fail. It sounded fascinating, then I wanted to hear more. I got more and it was proficient. It breaks down 3 types of successful marriages that don't all look so great from the coincidental onlooker, just a The studies in this book were references in Malcolm Gladwell's book Blink. It described a little bit virtually how Gottman and his squad would detect couples and using a formula would track every eye twitch, lip roll, tone of vocalisation change and exist able to predict with 94% accuracy if the marriage would succeed or fail. It sounded fascinating, so I wanted to hear more than. I got more and it was good. It breaks down 3 types of successful marriages that don't all look then great from the casual onlooker, only all are healthy, so long as both parties are cool with that type of marriage (they are validating, volatile, and conflict avoidant - or something like that). It breaks down the 4 worst things that can break marriages and how to brand them better or avoid doing them. It's full of quizzes and but good stuff. (I listened to the book, so I didn't do some of the quizzes, just they are all available as pdfs on a website, then the physical volume isn't necessary to take the quizzes.)
I didn't pick this upwardly because I am having marriage issues. In fact, I feel like every married couple should take a gander at this because in that location is and so much to acquire most advice. It tin can help with a spouse, but across too. I could encounter how many principles could apply to my interaction with my kids and other family members, possibly fifty-fifty friends. I love the science backside it and the in-depth report. Information technology was all so very interesting. ...more

Sep thirteen, 2017 Laney rated information technology really liked information technology

I hate being introspective, and then it took me a minute to get into this book and be comfortable with it. I kind of wanted to cover my ears and shout LALALA just in case he described something and all the sudden my (what I call back to be) happy marriage would exist revealed to be really really atrocious. Happily, that didn't happen, and I could immediately meet which of the 3 stable marriage styles he describes we fit into, and so I could go along feeling practiced about my spousal relationship and brainstorm to enjoy the book a I detest beingness introspective, and then information technology took me a infinitesimal to get into this book and exist comfortable with it. I kind of wanted to cover my ears and shout LALALA merely in case he described something and all the sudden my (what I think to be) happy matrimony would be revealed to be really really atrocious. Happily, that didn't happen, and I could immediately encounter which of the 3 stable marriage styles he describes nosotros fit into, and then I could go along feeling practiced about my marriage and begin to enjoy the book and find information technology fascinating. And lots of good general marriage and communication tips. I love that it'southward all based on scientific research too.

This book is so not like me to read, when it came in the library for me, I couldn't remember why I reserved it. I just checked and information technology's non for book club. Now I'm remembering. 1, Collette recommended it highly. And I recommend Collette highly. And two, I've heard a lot of other books and a parenting class I attended reference the omnipotent "Gottman" in a reverential tone and figured I improve check this guy out.

...more than

Mar fifteen, 2012 Rachel rated it really liked information technology

My name is Rachel and I am fond to self help books. =) No, just really. I really savor reading books that help me better understand the human being psyche. I have read some other book by Gottman before merely it was more than applied virtually how to have a struggling union and turn information technology around, and I was more interested in the science backside information technology, because his methods fascinate me. This i was exactly what I wanted. Excellent book. Very interesting but likewise had enough practical information to really help in are My name is Rachel and I am addicted to self help books. =) No, but really. I really savour reading books that assist me better empathize the human psyche. I have read another book past Gottman earlier but it was more than applied well-nigh how to take a struggling marriage and turn it around, and I was more than interested in the scientific discipline backside it, because his methods fascinate me. This i was exactly what I wanted. Excellent volume. Very interesting simply also had plenty practical data to really help in areas that need improvement. I recommend it for anyone who enjoys approaching relationships with an active feeling toward comeback. Whereas his other book was more for improving marriages where the reader felt similar they were struggling, I didn't experience like I had to be unhappy in my marriage to read and enjoy this ane. ...more than

Dec 23, 2010 Alyne rated it really liked information technology

Well, originally I was planning on giving it either 3 or 4 stars. With books that have PHD emblazoned across the forepart, I tend to trust that they volition take something to tell me that I don't already know. While this volume did take some nice guidelines, they seemed blowsy and rather obvious. The worst function was the repetitive back-up (meet what I did there? haaah). It was really intolerable. I retrieve I read virtually the same 4 marriage pitfalls in every chapter. Some other drawback were the case stud Well, originally I was planning on giving it either three or 4 stars. With books that accept PHD emblazoned across the front end, I tend to trust that they will have something to tell me that I don't already know. While this volume did have some nice guidelines, they seemed antiquated and rather obvious. The worst part was the repetitive redundancy (see what I did there? haaah). It was really intolerable. I recall I read about the same four marriage pitfalls in every affiliate. Another drawback were the instance studies with "real life conversations". They seemed dry out, inane, and banal. If that's what spousal relationship is, count me out. I think I and my peers would demand a book aimed more than at a younger couple. Also notable: I'thousand non actually married, and so take my review with a grain of [kosher] salt. ...more

May 20, 2013 Kristen rated it information technology was amazing

Gottman did this landmark report of married couples that just almost every volume on marriage relationships ever since quotes from. I finally decided I might equally well get right to the primary source and read the book on the original study since sometimes I like to pretend I'm taking a psychology grade on relationships.;) I enjoyed the book. Lots of interesting points. Gottman did this landmark study of married couples that just about every book on wedlock relationships e'er since quotes from. I finally decided I might as well become right to the primary source and read the book on the original written report since sometimes I like to pretend I'm taking a psychology course on relationships.;) I enjoyed the volume. Lots of interesting points. ...more

Oct 05, 2014 Jenae rated it information technology was amazing

Dr. Gottman was one of my professors at Penn Land. This volume is extremely helpful to any marital human relationship. Accept your fourth dimension reading it, take written and mental notes, and apply what you learn to every day life. You lot might be surprised past how much it can help brand your relationships meliorate than ever!

Fantastic read! This author is absolutely brilliant. I've ever been a fan of his "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child," and this book was just as skilful. He even discusses the importance of validation for your spouse in this book likewise. I'chiliad a firm believer in John Gottman's work. Fantastic read! This author is absolutely vivid. I've always been a fan of his "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child," and this book was simply every bit good. He even discusses the importance of validation for your spouse in this book as well. I'm a firm laic in John Gottman's work. ...more

Jan 02, 2015 Jackie rated it really liked information technology

While this may seem like obvious advice to some, many people should read this, especially those immature couples that oasis't learned how to resolve conflicts without attacking their partner. I know because I've been there. I'm probable to gift this to some young couples I know. While this may seem similar obvious communication to some, many people should read this, especially those young couples that oasis't learned how to resolve conflicts without attacking their partner. I know because I've been at that place. I'grand likely to gift this to some young couples I know. ...more

Jan 01, 2016 Sandy rated it really liked it

Overall proficient, science-backed relationship advice. But the info in this volume has now been updated by 20 *more* years of science. This is a practiced intro to Gottman's work, simply I recommend following up this volume with 1 of his newer ones for an update on the science. Overall good, science-backed relationship advice. But the info in this book has now been updated past xx *more than* years of scientific discipline. This is a good intro to Gottman'south work, only I recommend following up this book with one of his newer ones for an update on the science. ...more than

Mar 01, 2016 Annd rated information technology it was amazing

Gottman is bright! So, anything by him is neat! Simply, this book is peculiarly wonderful considering I really recall the information years and years after reading it! It just sticks with you!

The book's primary points boil down to ane) the importance of cocky-reflection and 2) the value of open, effective communication. I'm neither married nor on the verge of divorce (why I took up this book then remains a mystery), and I still had takeaways from the listening feel!

The book was written in 1995 based on research done in the 1970-90s. At that place was a STRONG focus on heterosexual relationships. And I couldn't assist but wonder what the racial composition of Gottman'due south subjects were, although I

The volume'southward main points eddy down to 1) the importance of cocky-reflection and 2) the value of open, effective communication. I'm neither married nor on the verge of divorce (why I took upwardly this volume so remains a mystery), and I withal had takeaways from the listening experience!

The volume was written in 1995 based on research done in the 1970-90s. At that place was a STRONG focus on heterosexual relationships. And I couldn't help but wonder what the racial composition of Gottman's subjects were, although I accept a hunch. Plain, no single book can be a "grab all," but I promise in that location are books on the topic that amend accost the diversity that exists inside relationships.

...more

Aug 14, 2020 Nick Fanelli rated it information technology was amazing

This volume worked perfectly! I now know just how to make my wedlock fail!

Sep 01, 2019 Amber Lea rated it really liked information technology

This is basically The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work with fashion amend editing. Even though this one was written commencement? I get the feeling he's simply writing the same book over and once more. Merely this book is much clearer and more concise, and I'd recommend this one if you're tying to decide between the 2. (In that location'southward no reason to read both.)

There's some stuff about gender in the middle that didn't speak to me at all because I'one thousand always the 1 obsessing about what's logical and poo-pooing

This is basically The 7 Principles for Making Matrimony Piece of work with way better editing. Even though this 1 was written offset? I become the feeling he'due south just writing the same book over and again. But this book is much clearer and more concise, and I'd recommend this 1 if you're tying to decide between the two. (There's no reason to read both.)

There's some stuff about gender in the eye that didn't speak to me at all because I'm always the one obsessing nigh what'due south logical and poo-pooing feelings and so I could accept done without all the "women are typically this way while men are typically that style" stuff. Otherwise this volume is keen.

I actually capeesh that this volume doesn't abet for saving the human relationship at all costs, it doesn't try to say in that location'south only i healthy mode to have a human relationship, and it doesn't claim the primal is compatibility or communication. It'southward near attitude, attempt, and finding a way to argue that works for both of you lot. Every bit far as self-help books directed at relationships become, it's a practiced identify to start.

...more

Jul fourteen, 2017 Tony rated it it was ok

Seems like pretty solid marital communication, only Gottman falls into the trap he accuses of all other marital self-help books, which is relying upon his anecdotal feel equally a counselor, rather than "science". What precisely he meant by scientific discipline to include his ain work while excluding the rest of the field I'm non certain.

also, having been written in the 90s, he relies on an outdated set of definitions of marriage and related concepts. Thus it's a bit likewise privileged to garner my recommendation. Ther

Seems like pretty solid marital advice, but Gottman falls into the trap he accuses of all other marital self-help books, which is relying upon his anecdotal experience as a advisor, rather than "scientific discipline". What precisely he meant past science to include his own work while excluding the rest of the field I'one thousand non sure.

also, having been written in the 90s, he relies on an outdated fix of definitions of marriage and related concepts. Thus it's a bit too privileged to garner my recommendation. There must exist amend works out there by now, but this i was expedient (my library had the audiobook), hence my selection of information technology. I don't regret information technology, but don't recommend information technology. get in that what you volition.

...more than

October 28, 2008 Melissa rated it actually liked information technology

Recommends it for: Couples, students studying man sexuality

Recommended to Melissa past: A professor

This book was used for a human sexuality course and seemed to practise well as far as introducing freshman to deeper aspects of relationships. The book as well would a good book for couples to read together even in a human relationship that is going well. It's a adept tool in examining and agreement relationshisp. This book was used for a human sexuality form and seemed to do well as far as introducing freshman to deeper aspects of relationships. The volume also would a good book for couples to read together even in a human relationship that is going well. It'south a adept tool in examining and understanding relationshisp. ...more

Apr 04, 2018 Esther Kemball rated it actually liked it

I bought this book because I am getting married on 25th Apr this year and I want to be prepared. This book seems more geared towards people who have already been married for a few years and are having problems than people who are about to get married and want to have good advice in accelerate.
I plant some of its advice potentially useful (but you volition have to enquire me again in ten years to know if information technology is actually whatsoever good.)

I chose this book over the many others on the same subject for two reasons: a

I bought this book because I am getting married on 25th Apr this year and I want to exist prepared. This book seems more geared towards people who take already been married for a few years and are having problems than people who are about to get married and want to have good advice in advance.
I found some of its advice potentially useful (but you volition accept to inquire me again in 10 years to know if it is actually whatsoever good.)

I chose this volume over the many others on the same discipline for two reasons: a recommendation, and the fact that it based its communication on empirical evidence.

However, it'due south not ever clear what is the result of a study and what is the author'south personal opinion and I would prefer if the distinction was made more articulate. For example, Gottman states that couples with improve memories of their first year together are less likely to divorce, which is backed upwards by his research. All the same, he claims that this is *not* because they actually had a ameliorate kickoff twelvemonth of matrimony, but considering they focus more of their thoughts on happy memories. He doesn't explicate what evidence he used to become to this conclusion.

However, information technology'southward actually difficult to say annihilation positive OR negative about this book when I haven't had the chance to utilise the communication yet. Like I said, ask me again in 10 years.

ETA: In that location is another problem with this book, which is that it does non admit the existence of same-gender marriages. I understand that this book was written earlier same-gender marriage was legal, but I think information technology should be updated to talk nearly that. Too, it contains a lot of generalisations about what men want versus what women want and it sometimes does this in a style that conflates trends with universals. E.g. it is true on average that men desire sex more than ofttimes than women but this is not the case for literally every man and literally every woman.

...more than

Not really what I was expecting, but still a expert book that offered some good advice and perspectives on how to react and be more self aware of possible reactions during intense conversations.

The booked focused effectually iv behaviors (complaint, antipathy, defensiveness and stonewalling) and how to avoid, notice and remove at that place behaviors. And after multiple studies done past author, the presence of all these 4, predicted with more than xc% a failed marriage.

I remember couples that go through many argum

Not actually what I was expecting, but however a skilful book that offered some adept communication and perspectives on how to react and be more self aware of possible reactions during intense conversations.

The booked focused effectually 4 behaviors (complaint, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling) and how to avoid, notice and remove there behaviors. And subsequently multiple studies done by author, the presence of all these 4, predicted with more than than ninety% a failed matrimony.

I think couples that go through many arguments that end without consensus or they desire to better and get to a meliorate resolution during their fights would benefit from this. The book seems mostly as a try to self-solve these issues.

Listened this as an audiobook.. was ok.. but listening to all those cocky tests.. was soooo annoying and too I institute that many concepts and ideas were a bit too repetitive. Merely overall, definitely a good book and I did learn some new and interesting things that tin can be useful in the professional life as well.

...more

May 25, 2021 Sean rated it actually liked it

Very interesting book. It explains how all the typical practices like respect and validation are a bedrock to a successful marriage. But it also points out why a fiddling bit of negativity and volatility is as well important for keeping things fun and interesting (as long as yous don't allow these things to degenerate into antipathy). This was the biggest revelation to me. Equally you might look from a book like this, there are some helpful exercises and self-tests that could exist used as talking points. Th Very interesting book. It explains how all the typical practices like respect and validation are a bedrock to a successful matrimony. But information technology likewise points out why a niggling flake of negativity and volatility is also important for keeping things fun and interesting (as long as yous don't allow these things to degenerate into contempt). This was the biggest revelation to me. Equally you might expect from a book similar this, there are some helpful exercises and self-tests that could be used as talking points. The value of these is that yous and your partner have intentional conversations about the type of marriage y'all have, the type of marriage you want, and so go on to work on your aspects where one or both spouses are feeling unsatisfied. I would recommend this book to any couples seeking to amend (or save) their matrimony, and also those couples seeking meliorate understanding of what may be contributing to their happy marriage. ...more than

Jan 30, 2021 Harmony rated it it was amazing

Great book. I always enjoy Gottman's philosophy on managing healthy relationships. Sociology, healthy communication and conflict direction skills are what I studied in college and it continues to hold my interest (and help my relationship). This is very similar to his later union-based books (which I already read recently enough), so I wish I would have picked upward a parenting-based volume instead. Oh wellsies, that's what I'll look for side by side fourth dimension! Nifty book. I ever bask Gottman's philosophy on managing healthy relationships. Sociology, healthy communication and conflict management skills are what I studied in higher and it continues to hold my involvement (and aid my human relationship). This is very similar to his afterwards marriage-based books (which I already read recently plenty), so I wish I would have picked up a parenting-based book instead. Oh wellsies, that's what I'll wait for next time! ...more

An excellent book on how to plow a failing marriage into a happy union. Dissimilar many other books, this i is based on inquiry. Although near of the book describes problems, the tone is positive - he believes that about unhappy marriages can exist saved. It requires work, a lot of piece of work, but the techniques are unproblematic enough to larn and practice them until they become second nature.

Jun 07, 2021 Vlad rated it liked it

Whether you lot've been married a day (or 20+ years, as I take), there's something in here for yous. I learned a lot about what I can do better to strengthen my marriage, regardless of what my spouse does. In that location'south a lot that's upward to me, and I appreciate this volume's focus on applied, actionable advice. Whether you've been married a day (or twenty+ years, equally I have), there's something in hither for you. I learned a lot virtually what I can do better to strengthen my union, regardless of what my spouse does. There's a lot that'south up to me, and I appreciate this book's focus on practical, actionable advice. ...more

A lot of really adept data, well-explained suggestions, and concrete steps to exercise to avert the pitfalls of the "iv horsemen" that can pb to a matrimony downfall. Highly recommend - for all relationships, not just marriages. A lot of actually skilful information, well-explained suggestions, and physical steps to do to avoid the pitfalls of the "4 horsemen" that can lead to a marriage downfall. Highly recommend - for all relationships, not simply marriages. ...more

February 03, 2020 Jon Barr rated information technology really liked it

I peculiarly liked how the authors compared types of personalities and how each combination of types tin use unique strategies to fix problems.

John Mordecai Gottman is an American psychological researcher and clinician who did extensive work over four decades on divorce prediction and marital stability. He is also an award-winning speaker, author, and a professor emeritus in psychology.

News & Interviews

Is there any better feeling than bang-up open up a great volume? How most starting a great volume…about books? For the readers who dear to read...

"Like the 2d Law of Thermodynamics, which says that in closed energy systems things tend to run downward and get less orderly, the aforementioned seems to exist true of closed relationships like marriages. My judge is that if you practise aught to make things get better in your marriage but do not do anything incorrect, the marriage will still tend to become worse over time. To maintain a balanced emotional environmental you need to make an effort—remember about your spouse during the day, think about how to make a adept matter even amend, and act." — 12 likes

More quotes…

Welcome dorsum. Just a moment while we sign yous in to your Goodreads business relationship.

Free Online Read of John Gottman Book Why Marriages Succeed or Fail

Source: https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/56692

Share this post